He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
