haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
