My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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