she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
