Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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