South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
