nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize