Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Randomize
