I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
