If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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