All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
