you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
