Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
