Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
