remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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