she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
