I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
