I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Boobs speak an international language.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
