Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
