He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Randomize
