I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
