Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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