He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
And then he peed in my hair
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