I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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