Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
