Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize