Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize