Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
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