I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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