I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I intend to get homeless drunk
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
