The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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