he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You were trust falling into bushes
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
