it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
