Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
