I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
