I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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