Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I'm too high and old for this...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
