I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
