I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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