I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
