oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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