i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
