You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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