I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Randomize
