oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
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