If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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