ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
