Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sponge bath it is.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
