hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
