Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
