Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
