If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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