the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
