I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
