He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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