Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
