i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
