youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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