Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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