I wish I could punch you in the face.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
