I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
