you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize