I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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