So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
