dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
