I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
