I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
