I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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