Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
